How to Make Male Friends & Build a Strong Community as a Man

Why Male Friendships Matter (And Why They’re Harder as an Adult)

If you’re struggling to make meaningful friendships as a man, you’re not alone. Many adult men feel isolated, even those who appear successful on the surface.

Unlike childhood friendships that form naturally through school or sports, adult friendships require intentional effort.

Society doesn’t emphasize deep male friendships, and most social settings for men revolve around alcohol, vices, or shallow small talk.

Many men find themselves surrounded by drinking buddies or work acquaintances—but few real friends who have their back when it counts.

Having led a men’s group—I’ve seen first hand the power of deeper, healthier male bonds and the vacuum that exists for those things in most men’s lives.

Why Making Male Friends Feels Harder as an Adult (You’re Not Alone In This Problem)

• Fewer Built-in Social Structures: School and sports created natural friendships, but adult life is structured around work and responsibilities.
  

• Men Bond Differently Than Women: Male friendships typically form around shared activities and missions, not deep conversations.
  

• Fear of Rejection: Many men hesitate to reach out due to fear of coming across as needy or weird.

The good news? Male friendships thrive in the right environments.

And, as sad as the lack of male friendships is, it means that most men out in the world would love if you engaged with them, despite their stoic front.

How to Make Male Friends as a Man (Step-by-Step Guide)

Step 1: Develop Behaviors That Make Making Friends Easier

Years ago, I was quite reserved. No—I was downright socially anxious.

This made talking to people in public seem impossible. And making friends was similarly… problematic.

In that same vein, my lifestyle was only conducive to meeting temporary “friends” in the bar—namely, having a drunk conversation about nothing then never talking to them again.

As my habits, behaviors, confidence, social skills, and lifestyle changed—so too did my friendships and ability to meet said friends.

• Develop your “talk-to-everyone” muscle —> Allowing for more opportunities
  
  If you’re shy, anxious, or awkward… this one is going to suck at first. But trust me, it’s the most worthwhile thing you can do.
  
  Begin feeling the fear and fighting through it to strike up conversations, say hello, and be more social.
  
  This self-assuredness deep dive can help with this. I also recommend reading Dating Essentials for Men—less of a dating book, and more of a becoming-more-social book.
  
  Becoming more socially confident will transform your friendships, dating life, daily life, and career.
  

• Develop healthier habits —> Allowing for healthier friendships
  
  A lot of making the right friendships as an adult comes down to where you place yourself.
  
  This may require reflection to decide what want to do and what you like.
  
  When you show up to environments with healthy adults, you’ll find yourself making friends with them.
  
  Ideally, the new healthy habits will be replacing vices. I recommend reading this dopamine reset guide to get started here.
  

• Develop yourself —> allowing you to connect with higher-quality men
  
  Fact is, men that are developed, powerful, confident, driven, and purposeful don’t want to be friends with men who cannot match them or help them level up further.
  
  The more you level up yourself, the more solid friendships you’ll find yourself building.
  
  It’s the same as dating—you put the work into yourself first—then you see better women looking your way.
  
  Use the free PDF of journal prompts to navigate this process, and check out our full database of articles (tons of free value) to level up in real ways.

• Travel solo —> allowing for more confidence when you get home
  
  Coming home after navigating a foreign land and putting yourself out is a hell of a feeling. Lotta confidence.
  
  Traveling solo forces you to get good at striking up conversations, asking for help, and making friends.
  
  These skills transfer over to your city of residence—making you more social, friendly, and confident.
  
  This man’s guide to solo travel is a good place to start.
  

Step 2: Identify the Type of Friends You Want—Then Find Them

Most adult men struggle to make meaningful friends because they default to low-quality social settings (bars, random social media groups, or shallow networking events).

Is the man you want to be friends with in the bar, online, or at a happy hour? Is he in the gym, in the cafe reading, at a men’s retreat?

Ask yourself: Who do I want around me?

Then, place yourself in the environments these men will be in.

Simply being there, coupled with your new habits of talking to people—I guarantee you’ll find yourself in budding friendships.

Focus on spaces where strong friendships naturally form through shared struggle and purpose.

In my experience, my higher-quality friendships of greater depth and value have started in:

• Martial arts and the gym (Jiu-Jitsu, Muay Thai, boxing).
  
  Tons of savages in martial arts gyms who are friendly as hell (the black belt who’s been tapped out thousands of times is humble).
  
  While in Colombia, I saw a guy at the gym wearing a shirt that said “Bangkok.” I asked him if he’d been to Thailand—we ended up rolling together to the next city and becoming good friends.

• Men’s groups.
  
  Some of the highest-character men who are comfortable opening up and allowing others to get close to them are found in… men’s groups.
  
  I will be launching my second men’s group soon… DM me on Instagram you’re looking for a group.
  

• Coffee shops and coworking.
  
  I’ve made many a friend simply by asking the guy next to me a question or being open to conversation.
  
  I remember seeing a broski next to me journaling.
  
  When paused for a break, I turned to him—”Writing your thoughts about life? I was just solo out in the desert doing the same last week.”
  
  We ended up talking about some deep stuff right then, and became friends.
  
  Cafes are a sober environment that tend to attract a more focused, intellectual man.
  
  Ask people what they’re working on, what they’re reading, what they ordered. Talk to the person in front of you in line and behind you.
  

• Outdoor communities (hiking groups, rock climbing, survival training).
  
  To have a group of people you can go hiking with on the weekends is ideal—no alcohol or bullshit required.
  
  

• Volunteering, mission-driven organizations, religious groups.
  
  You can meet dope people volunteering, and it’s very likely a local church/mosque/etc. has likeminded men or even a men’s group.
  

• Accountability groups and teams (crossfit, powerlifting crews, or lifting partners).
  
  Get to talking to people in the gym, I guarantee you you’ll find a work out partner who can show up at the same time as you. Same goes for group classes—crossfit, yoga,

Step 3: Use Shared Activities as a Foundation

Many male friendships strengthen through doing things together.

Contrary to the "mainstream” belief that men can’t bond through conversation, two men can simply hit a cafe or hike and talk about life.

Some great activities to build and strengthen friendships:

• Work out together (ask a gym buddy to join you for a new training session)
  

• Join a hobby-based group (surfing, chess, coding, hunting—whatever aligns with your interests)
  

• Train together in self-improvement (cold exposure groups, breathwork training, endurance races).
  

• Iron sharpens iron—discuss self-improvement, philosophies, investing strategies, and help each other level up.

Step 4: Be the Guy Who Initiates

Here is the harsh truth—making friends isn’t easy because it requires time and vulnerability.

Talking to your sparring partner after class takes time. Inviting the bro to do something requires vulnerability and risks rejection.

A major mistake most men make is waiting for friendships to happen naturally.

I was terrible about this, and for years, the only friendships I found myself in were initiated by the other guy. I was afraid to be vulnerable and face rejection.

The reality? You have to initiate. This doesn’t mean being pushy, but it does mean facing the possibility of rejection.

• Invite someone to do something simple: “I’m going to check out a new gym / coffee shop / hike this weekend—you wanna join?”
  
  

• Follow up after good conversations: If you felt a solid connection and could see yourself being friends with someone you met at an event, shoot a quick message: “Great talking earlier, man. Let’s grab a coffee next week.”
  
  

• Introduce like-minded guys to each other: If you know two guys with similar interests, connect them. This builds community.
  

Step 5: Be Who You Are From the Start

What do I mean by this? I never have to decline invites to bars, parties, or bullshit, because it’s clear from the start that I don’t move that way.

I don’t explicitly say this—it’s the way I conduct myself. Couple that with the environment in which I met my new friend, you’ve got clear expectations from jump.

Meeting in the gym, a cafe, or on a hike set the stage for a friendship grounded in health, focus, and improvement, rather than binging or escaping.

Sure, you’ll come across plenty of cats that you just don’t align with. That’s okay.

Just like in dating, it’s better to be real upfront and allow something not to work out, than be a chameleon just to avoid rejection.

Overcoming Loneliness & Social Anxiety

“Why Do I Feel Lonely Even Though I Have Friends?”

A lot of men have surface-level friendships but still feel empty. This happens when:

• Friendships are based only on vices (drinking, partying, etc.), not shared purpose.
  

• You’re around people who don’t align with your deeper values.
  

• You don’t feel comfortable being fully yourself around your circle.
  

The Fix?

1. Audit your current friendships—who actually adds value to your life? You will likely need to drop relationships that are no longer aligned.
   

2. Start developing your own self-awareness and confidence.
   

3. Level up your mindset with journaling and reflection (The Bulletproof Mind PDF is a great starting point).

[You’ll be prompted to enter your email—then I’ll shoot you the PDF.]

Building a Brotherhood: How to Create a Strong Community

Beyond 1-on-1 friendships, you want to build a solid tribe. This happens by actively curating and connecting people:

• Host and initiate low-key meetups (coffee meetups, dinners, hikes, poker nights—something simple)
  

• Be the connector (introduce like-minded men and expand your network)
  

• Create a regular event or challenge (monthly self-development book club, endurance challenge, mastermind calls)

Men bond best when they struggle and grow together. If you can create a space where men improve and push each other, you’ll naturally form a brotherhood that lasts.

Conclusion: Take Action & Build Your Social Circle

Most men stay lonely because they don’t take action. Building strong friendships as a man requires intention, initiation, and consistency.

Here’s your challenge: Within the next week, initiate one new social interaction. It could be joining a group, reaching out to an acquaintance, or planning an event. Small steps lead to life-changing relationships.

Have you struggled to make meaningful friendships? DM me on Instagram and let’s build community together.